Achieving integrity, made up of public and private acts in sync with a woman’s true self, is life’s journey.
How do we present to others who we truly are? How to we make decisions reinforcing what we believe in? And sometimes we ask: How do we discover who we truly are? Integrity is a representation of an authentic self. It is a consistent display of our beliefs, values, and moral codes. But the path to integrity is littered with diversions and obstacles, making it challenging to truly live in step with ourselves.
First is the task of discovering who we truly want to be as a human being. We must strip away all the layers of other’s expectations, all our own weaknesses and fears, and then take a look at who is left. Do we like what we see? Is the woman who was buried beneath expectations and rules a woman we would like to spend time with?
Authors help us in this discovery processes by leading us through worlds, characters, and situations we might not otherwise meet. How does our integrity fit into a book’s representation of life? Do we agree or disagree with the action taken by the characters? Do we admire the character? Do we wish to emulate the character? Contrasting our own selves with fictional characters can help us discover who we really are. I focus on women writers, whose experience and tone help me define womanhood and whose wisdom or lack thereof help me define my authentic self.
The new book “Women Who Write” by Stefan Bollman explores the influence of femininity on writers. He writes: “Overcoming the traditional image of a woman is no more than the first milestone in a woman author’s struggle for her integrity. The second is to be able to speak openly about her own passions, or in (Virginia) Woolf’s words, to tell the truth about her ‘own experiences as a body.’”*
It is the second struggle Virginia Woolf spoke of, the struggle to speak openly about our own passion, that trips most women. Do you feel you can openly share your opinions and desires? Do you subjugate your own voice to others, maybe even doing it without realizing it? Are you the last to vote on a family decision? Do you find yourself saying “It doesn’t really matter to me” often? Why does it not really matter to you? Is it because you prefer a peaceful resolution to a situation and for some reason you think that contributing your own preference would rattle that peace? Why? Why are the preferences and opinion of our loved ones valuable but ours “not as important”?
When we withhold our own voice, our own opinions, our own preferences, when we fail to openly share them with others and to insist that they carry as much weight as anyone else’s, we fail to remember who we are. We are not the only ones who forget who we are, our loved ones and our co-workers do not know us either. Why? Because we refuse to share ourselves with them. We refuse to live openly and tell the truth about ourselves. We refuse to live with integrity.
* Women Who Write, by Stefan Bollmann, 2007 Merrell Publishers Limited, p.38
About the author: Allison Frederick is a writer and online marketing educator for other creative women. www.FaMissWomen.com offers free Web 2.0 resources. She is also the author of an upcoming novel, A Portrait of Josephine, an academic-lite thriller. Find out how to receive a free copy of the novel by visiting www.portraitofjosephine.com
Friday, November 23, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
"A Weekend to Change Your Life" Review
A Weekend to Change Your Life: Find Your Authentic Self After a Lifetime of Being All Things to All People by Joan Anderson, a book review
There is no shortage of literature about the struggles of an empty-nester woman these days.
This non-fiction book plays nicely into that catagory. Even though I am not her target market, I enjoyed the book. It was a sober reminder, leading me to recognize that choices I make each day compound and if I do not make choices to develop my own talents and presever my own interests; I may find that I completely abandoned myself and then struggle to reconnect with my own voice.
Author Joan Anderson hosts workshops for women who struggle with knowing what they want in life because they spent most of their life giving to others. These women gave so much that they didn't have anything left for themselves.
Her method encourages women to escape to a beautiful, inspirational place. There you can be alone with yourself so that you are not tempted to do anything for anyone other than yourself.
In her own words:
"I am as unfinished as the shoreline along the beach, meant to transcend myself again and again."
Looking for more?
Learn about her retreats
Read her books
A Year By The Sea-Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman
A Weekend to Change Your Life: Find Your Authentic Self After a Lifetime of Being All Things to All People
A Walk on the Beach: Tales of Wisdom From an Unconventional Woman
An Unfinished Marriage
About the author: Allison Frederick is a writer and online marketing educator for other creative women. www.FaMissWomen.com offers free Web 2.0 resources. She is also the author of an upcoming novel, A Portrait of Josephine, an academic-lite thriller. Find out how to receive a free copy of the novel by visiting www.portraitofjosephine.com
There is no shortage of literature about the struggles of an empty-nester woman these days.
This non-fiction book plays nicely into that catagory. Even though I am not her target market, I enjoyed the book. It was a sober reminder, leading me to recognize that choices I make each day compound and if I do not make choices to develop my own talents and presever my own interests; I may find that I completely abandoned myself and then struggle to reconnect with my own voice.
Author Joan Anderson hosts workshops for women who struggle with knowing what they want in life because they spent most of their life giving to others. These women gave so much that they didn't have anything left for themselves.
Her method encourages women to escape to a beautiful, inspirational place. There you can be alone with yourself so that you are not tempted to do anything for anyone other than yourself.
In her own words:
"I am as unfinished as the shoreline along the beach, meant to transcend myself again and again."
Looking for more?
Learn about her retreats
Read her books
A Year By The Sea-Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman
A Weekend to Change Your Life: Find Your Authentic Self After a Lifetime of Being All Things to All People
A Walk on the Beach: Tales of Wisdom From an Unconventional Woman
An Unfinished Marriage
About the author: Allison Frederick is a writer and online marketing educator for other creative women. www.FaMissWomen.com offers free Web 2.0 resources. She is also the author of an upcoming novel, A Portrait of Josephine, an academic-lite thriller. Find out how to receive a free copy of the novel by visiting www.portraitofjosephine.com
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
"You Can Heal Your Life" Book Review
Author Louise L. Hay did not grow up with a "charmed" life. She had a lot to overcome, and she did. She is the author of an international best seller, "You Can Heal Your Life" and the founder of the publishing company, Hay House. Her publishing company handles the writing lives of many people you know including Suze Orman, Deepak Chopra, and Wayne Dyer, just to name a few.
I strongly recommend this book even though it was first written in 1984. Her health book is timeless. It doesn't overwhelm with health jargon and yet it will really cause you to stop and think about how you treat and think about your body. I decided to go through this book one chapter per day. The chapters are short and it is easy to read one a day, even if you have a tight schedule. She presents interesting a model linking specific health problems and our daily thoughts and behaviors.
"Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens."- quote by Louise L. Hay
Louise Hay saves her personal story until the very end of her book. That disappointed me so I am going to tell you about her now. You see, her book is very positive and very empowering. I know that when I am struggling with negative feelings I try to dismiss empowering words because I expect that the person saying them is a super-human. You know the type, skinny, beautiful, rich, problem free… Of course they can be positive, they don’t have problems like I have. They probably have a house cleaner. I clean my house when I have insomnia at two in the morning. But Louise Hay started her life on the wrong foot.
Her parents divorced when she was just eighteen months old. It appears that her father left and her mother decided to leave her with someone else so that she could take an in-house domestic job. Baby Louise cried for three weeks until her surrogate caretakers told her mother to come get her. Children are never too young to be impacted by family problems. By the time she was five, she had an abusive step-father, and little sister, and the 1930’s Depression was beginning.*
She broke free from her awful family life when she was fifteen and at sixteen, she found herself pregnant. Not knowing how to support her child, she gave the baby up for adoption. Struggling to create a life for herself, she later married and was very happy until many years later her husband initiated a divorce. Again, she dusted herself off and became a counselor. She was very happy and successful as she helped people get through their own hard times until she was diagnosed with an incurable cancer.
Any woman who had been through what she had must be a survivor. She wasn’t going to believe the experts when they told her she was going to die. She began to thoroughly explore her past, possibly examine her beliefs originating from her societal stew, and to treat her body with absolute respect.
Today, she is a celebrated pioneer of the "self-help" industry and runs her own publishing company. Her company has published books by authors you may have heard of – Phil McGraw, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, and Suze Orman. Do you agree that a woman who has risen from such adversity might be able to help us with her book, "You Can Heal Your Life?"
In her book, Louise teaches that repeated patterns show us our needs. Each need is reflected in a habit and each habit is reflected in a belief. She writes about the battles many of us face when we are trying to change something about ourselves but don’t seem to be making any headway.
"How may times have we said, "I won’t ever do that again!"? Then, before the day is up, we have the piece of cake, smoke the cigarettes, say hateful things to the ones we love, and so on. Then we compound the whole problem by angrily saying to ourselves, "Oh, you have no willpower, no discipline. You’re just weak." This only adds to the guilt we carry."**
* You Can Heal Your Life, p. 215
**You Can Heal Your Life, p. 57
Also see the You Can Heal Your Life Affirmation Cards.
About the author: Allison Frederick is a writer and online marketing educator for other creative women. www.FaMissWomen.com offers free Web 2.0 resources. She is also the author of an upcoming novel, A Portrait of Josephine, an academic-lite thriller. Find out how to receive a free copy of the novel by visiting www.portraitofjosephine.com
I strongly recommend this book even though it was first written in 1984. Her health book is timeless. It doesn't overwhelm with health jargon and yet it will really cause you to stop and think about how you treat and think about your body. I decided to go through this book one chapter per day. The chapters are short and it is easy to read one a day, even if you have a tight schedule. She presents interesting a model linking specific health problems and our daily thoughts and behaviors.
"Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens."- quote by Louise L. Hay
Louise Hay saves her personal story until the very end of her book. That disappointed me so I am going to tell you about her now. You see, her book is very positive and very empowering. I know that when I am struggling with negative feelings I try to dismiss empowering words because I expect that the person saying them is a super-human. You know the type, skinny, beautiful, rich, problem free… Of course they can be positive, they don’t have problems like I have. They probably have a house cleaner. I clean my house when I have insomnia at two in the morning. But Louise Hay started her life on the wrong foot.
Her parents divorced when she was just eighteen months old. It appears that her father left and her mother decided to leave her with someone else so that she could take an in-house domestic job. Baby Louise cried for three weeks until her surrogate caretakers told her mother to come get her. Children are never too young to be impacted by family problems. By the time she was five, she had an abusive step-father, and little sister, and the 1930’s Depression was beginning.*
She broke free from her awful family life when she was fifteen and at sixteen, she found herself pregnant. Not knowing how to support her child, she gave the baby up for adoption. Struggling to create a life for herself, she later married and was very happy until many years later her husband initiated a divorce. Again, she dusted herself off and became a counselor. She was very happy and successful as she helped people get through their own hard times until she was diagnosed with an incurable cancer.
Any woman who had been through what she had must be a survivor. She wasn’t going to believe the experts when they told her she was going to die. She began to thoroughly explore her past, possibly examine her beliefs originating from her societal stew, and to treat her body with absolute respect.
Today, she is a celebrated pioneer of the "self-help" industry and runs her own publishing company. Her company has published books by authors you may have heard of – Phil McGraw, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, and Suze Orman. Do you agree that a woman who has risen from such adversity might be able to help us with her book, "You Can Heal Your Life?"
In her book, Louise teaches that repeated patterns show us our needs. Each need is reflected in a habit and each habit is reflected in a belief. She writes about the battles many of us face when we are trying to change something about ourselves but don’t seem to be making any headway.
"How may times have we said, "I won’t ever do that again!"? Then, before the day is up, we have the piece of cake, smoke the cigarettes, say hateful things to the ones we love, and so on. Then we compound the whole problem by angrily saying to ourselves, "Oh, you have no willpower, no discipline. You’re just weak." This only adds to the guilt we carry."**
* You Can Heal Your Life, p. 215
**You Can Heal Your Life, p. 57
Also see the You Can Heal Your Life Affirmation Cards.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Christmas is for Bunnies?
If you are looking for a cuddly little Christmas present for a son, daughter, or grandchild, then please consider "Flossy" bunny. These adorable bunnies are made by Denver women who are learning new skills to try and support themselves. They are part of the Denver metro "Empowerment Program" which was started in 1986.
Where to get a Flossy Bunny:
Tattered Cover Bookstores or
The Empowerment Program
Click here to read article "Empowering Women, One Stitch at a Time"
Flossy The Feel Better Bunny is an excellent Christmas Idea - here's to bunnies for Christmas.
Where to get a Flossy Bunny:
Tattered Cover Bookstores or
The Empowerment Program
Click here to read article "Empowering Women, One Stitch at a Time"
Flossy The Feel Better Bunny is an excellent Christmas Idea - here's to bunnies for Christmas.
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